Animals exist to make the lives of humans better.

I read an article once about the exploitation of animals for the sake of human comfort. It was about how some moron thought it was cruel for people to wear rabbit-skin coats in winter.

Our ancestors all wore animals for their clothing. With the possible exception of Adam and Eve who allegedly wore leaves (I have it on very good authority that they wore unicorn loincloths), everyone in history wore animals. Why? Because that's their purpose.

Animals don't talk, think, or feel emotions and they don't have souls. What they do have is very thick fur and skin that is perfect to put overtop of our own bodies. There is only one difference between the use of animals now and 5,000 years ago: we are wasteful. People back then wouldn't waste the animal. They made tools and jewelry from the bones, ate the meat, and wore the skin and fur. People now will kill a rabbit, put its foot on their keychain and wear its skin on their back but they're unlikely to eat its penis or pancreas. Rabbit penis is delicious, by the way.

I don't understand where all this animal rights bullshit came from. Animals never asked for rights. They never held a summit with the world leaders and asked us to stop eating and killing them. Not once. So why are we suddenly giving them rights? Women didn't get the right to vote until they bitched about it, why do animals get the right to survive? They're not bitching.

I think the only thing people should bitch about with regards to animals is wasting them. Start eating the penis, start eating the large intestine. If you want to buy a rabbit fur coat the government should step in and force you to eat a plate of rabbit penises before you can wear that coat. Holy shit, best idea ever.